Oh hai. I'm prograstinating at work severely. Blame it on my boss being away, the vague nature of my project, or maybe it's the first trimester fogginess?
Soooo, in my current state of expecting number three, which I'm so happy and excited and scared about, I'm prone to a lot of introspection. I just don't know how much longer I can do this, and I don't know what my alternatives are, and if I consider alternatives, I don't know how attractive or realistic they are.
I wish I could just be a stay at home mum and raise my kids for the next 10 years, and then do something to keep me busy like be a librarian or something. Or, I wish I could take two to three years off work and then go back to school to do something like nursing. Or, I wish I could move home where I wouldn't feel subject to the rat race and where I could feel honest about making an honest living, without the pressure of being shoulder to shoulder with pushy 23 year olds. See? None of those are likely, and if by chance lightening were about to strike, I'm sure I'd still find a way to be miserable about them.
I left it too late. I got stuck. I need to work on dealing with it.
On the sunnier side, Wiley and Dashie are blooming. Wiy spent the past few months in a deep passion regarding american football, and now is emerging to look around for another obsession; not by choice, but out of necessity until it starts again. Dash is just so sweet, although I think I'm the only one that sees it. He's very articulate and passionate, and as he gets older I can see him working to control his emotions (even if it's only putting his hands over his ears when we're telling him something he finds upsetting, like "not nice.")
No-one is happy in their jobs, right? Not policemen, phone men, teachers, lawyers... so the trick is to find something relatively easy, and relatively well paid, and just do it so you can focus on enjoying the other stuff, yes? And repeat.
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